25 random things

Last night I came across a friend's note entitled: "Knowledge is Power". The note actually entails 25 random things about him some of which I knew and some pretty much surprised me. It's pretty good so I decided to do the same thing for me. I realize it's a good way to keep in touch with my inner being again and rediscover things about myself that I have forgotten as I got tangled in this madness known as physical life...and maybe discover a few more that I never knew about me. Life is a constant learning experience. Our perceptions change as we encounter more events in our life. The lessons we learn make up for who we are now, and as we continue to live, we continue to grow. So here are my 25 random things:

1. I love to play the piano. I am not the greatest pianist in the whole world, but my desire and affection for this grand musical instrument is enough for me to form a relationship with Chopin and Beethoven everytime my fingers touch its keys. Six years of not being able to play and I was thirsty. At last I have a piano again although its not the expensive type. What is important is that its 88 keys complete me everytime I indulge in my nocturnes.
2. I used to have a big self-esteem problem especially when I was younger. I envied my sister because she was light-skinned and always getting noticed in the family, in the neighborhood and pretty much everywhere. I envied my friends because they have their so-called "manliligaws" all the while I was being mistaken for a housemaid.
3. I dont know what it is about Latinos and why I am so unexplicably drawn to these men especially when they start speaking Spanish...they are so amazingly sexy they make me want to take my clothes off and run away with them to God knows where. Ironically, I never had a Latino man in my life.
4. Yes I got picked on. A lot. It comes back to me from time to time. Do you know what it's like to sit by yourself in between classes, find two monkeys kick the hell out of your chair early in the morning because apparently they dont wanna get closer than 6 ft to you? How about someone yelling "Liles, ang panget mo!!!!", everytime you walk by?..and the worse is for everyone to accuse you of having body odor when it is obvious that it's those two obese girls who did not know how to take care of themselves who were smelling like basang labakara.
5. I miss my friends in the Philippines. Nothing compares to them especially the ones I grew up with who have been with me from grade school to high school and college, who never judged me for my putok or whatever kind of outcast, geeky reputation I had.
6. When I was 16, I fell in love for the first time with a guy with curly hair and who drives a red car. It hurt so bad, but freeing myself from him was the most exhilarating thing I've ever done at that moment. It felt good.
7. I was never close to my parents. I remembered reaching out back in the days but they were too busy taking care of their marital affairs. It never bothered me though.
8. I want to be a cosmetologist.
9. I also want to be a nurse. I'm going to nursing school for now though because of its job security.
10. I never thought that I would come to America. I fantasized about it when I was young. But now that I'm here, I realize it is not all that.
11. The first time I ever saw snow was on December 2003, in Maryland while visiting my friend Jeremy Parlade. I was surprised that it didn't look like those big snowballs they often portray in cartoons, instead they were just flakes. But I was happy. That is something you don't forget.
12. My favorite book of all time is The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery. It was like a children's book. I cried while reading it and cried some more after. I used to ask my mom if it was real, if the aouthor was really stuck in the Sahara Deserts. I have a feeling she said yes just to leave her alone and I did. I felt some kind of affection for that little boy...I swear I'm not a pedophile (I was a little girl myself too) nor do I have any pedophiliac tendencies.
13. I do get attracted to girls, though. It started when I was in Kindergarten. Her name was Fredesita Olano. Nothing really much I remembered about her at the time except that she looked so good acting like she was hurt when they were playing around and hitting her stomach. No she wasnt a tomboy however, she was not very feminine at all. When I was in college in the Philippines this girl named Jacqueline Catayog caught my attention. She was a varsity basketball player and I used to ask my friend Janice who is in the same team with her about her. She had a girfriend. The last girl who caught my attention was on a ship, the first time I went out to sea. Sadly, I dont remember her name. She wasnt part of the crew. She was embarked on the ship like me. My friends say she's Hawaiian. She worked with radios. She wasnt too girly but she wasnt a butch either. Once, she talked to me and I couldnt help but smile. She was beautiful. I was tongue-tied.

14. I wanted to be nun. At times I still do. But I dont know...is virginity a prerequisite in becoming a nun?
15. I love my husband to death and will not do anything to jeopardize our relationship. However, it is true that a person can still feel attracted to someone else despite his or her commitment status. After all, we're all human beings who get drawn to others of our own kind. In the end, it is our actions that define the kind of person we are.
16. I daydream a lot. In the morning. In the middle of the night. In the afternoon. In jazzercise class. I'm daydreaming right now...about past life, past loves, things that could've been and things that will never be.
17. I hate the fact that there's not enough options for small people when it comes to shoes and clothes. They need to understand that not all women are size 14. And not all feet are size 7. This is America dammit. We have all types of people and sizes here. I dont like walking in a store and asking first thing what's the smallest size shoes they carry only to hear the same answer time and again: "We only carry size 6 and above...sorry". Sorry my ass. You want business expand your freakin sizes!
18. No matter how angry I am at someone, I will never curse him out. I would still curse though, but not directly at him. I learned this from my husband. It's called respect.
19. My husband also taught me how to be independent, and not to expect others to do things for me. I knew then that he was the one for me.
20. I procrastinate.
21. My favorite movie of all time is The Sound of Music. I grew up watching that movie. Tyang Norma, our help back home learned to love that movie because I always watched it with her. I used to imagine I was little Gretl when I was three, then when I turned 16 I wanted to be Liesl. Until now I still imagine I'm Liesl. Like I said, I daydream a lot.
22. I miss Tyang Norma. She is like a mother to me. She knew me inside out. She brings food and medicine to my room whenever I have headache. She keeps my room clean. She listens to me. when I am mad at my friends, she's mad at them too. When I'm happy and excited, she's the same way. She sits on the couch and stops in the middle of her chores to listen to me play the piano, although it's the same song I've been playing for the last 10 minutes. She memorized the few selected friends I would talk to on the phone. If they're not on the list, "sorry", she would say. "Weng is sleeping".
23. On December 7th, 2008, 3 years and 7 months after we started dating exclusively, he got down on one knee and ask me to marry him. I said yes. Plain and simple..but in between tears of joy.
24. On January 3rd, 2009, the start of our life together as husband and wife had just begun. We want to have kids, but not now. Maybe in three years time. As of now, it's just me and him. We're married!!!!
25. Whatever they say about me, whatever they think about me, whatever opinions they have of me, only one thing is for sure. I'm an angel in my own right and I will keep on spreading my wings.

mwuah

Have you ever been kissed with such a passion it made your whole damn world stop? Just that one kiss when you would suddenly feel your temperature rising and reaching its boiling point and those little fireworks inside of you that remained in dormancy all your life are finally sending out explosion signals. What about that simple, sincere kiss that would traditionally send chills along your spine and send butterflies in your stomach only this time, the intensity is so high you're almost electrocuted and those butterflies seem to eat your intestines out? Damn those butterflies. Damn that kiss that would have you do all sorts of acrobatics all night. That kiss that would make you care less about the dilemma you have put the universe through. One kiss. One second. One night. You and him...or her. Have you?

dyan ka pa ba?

Why are you still here lurking around? Did I not tell you to leave me alone? I thought I made it clear that we will never be. If I were you I'd stop wasting my precious time. You make me feel terrible...but then again, I'm the only person responsible for my feelings. You are just being...you. Although sometimes the thought of you is suffocating me. Our friendship is like an addiction. Not good..but feels otherwise.
Sometimes I do not know myself. Sometimes I dont understand how I feel. Sometimes I cant seem to figure out what I want. But dont mind me, I'm just being me. It's you that you have to worry about. Not me. It's not me and I'm not the one. And I don't intend to be.
Why? Because you don't know me and I'm afraid you never will. You cannot see right through me at all. You probably never tried. I am a simple human being but even that you refuse to see. So tell me, what do you really want from me? Because I know that I dont want to be your friend. I dont want to be anything with you. Get me off your mind and I'll be more than happy to do the same.
I do not want you to stay. Why are you still here?

ang mga napagmuni-munihan ko these past few days

If there is one thing I hate the most, it's the narcissistic people. We live in a blogging era, wherein we can easily flaunt our assets as well as our flaws to the whole damn world, made possible by 2,000 plus and counting networking sites for all types of people. I am one of those people hooked on the net. I don't even remember what my life was like before the internet and even before when we didnt have a phone back then. But going back to those self-absorbed people...if you have one of those networking accounts like facebook or friendster or myspace, have you ever checked out a friend's profile and it just seemed to you that all you see is bragging and some more bragging? although there is really nothing to brag about. Some people would do it in a subtle way but I do notice. Especially the ones who are out of the country. I don't care if you are in Haiti or Tahiti Islands somewhere. all of a sudden they just seem....different. they talk different. they act different. but the worse thing i've ever seen is this person who is so narcissistic she has to published twenty-something photos of her doing almost the same thing in the camera. I am not hating mind you. In fact I love her so much. But creating an album called: "me, myself and the camera" is just too much. Girlfriend, I dont want to see too much of you wearing the same damn thing, in the same background, using your webcam, that it seemed to me that's all you did for the last 8 hours no wonder you managed to upload those pictures (you prolly took 100+ pictures in one sitting). Yun lang.
There is another pet peeve that's been bothering me for the last couple of years eversince it emerged. The use of "po" and "opo" especially for those highschool and college sweethearts who have nothing else better to do. Now this is so damn cheesy. My sister used to do it, some of my friends do it, everyone does it especially in PI where texting is a phenomenon. "Dito na po me..", "Miss no po kita,", "Mahal na mahal po kita", "Ingat ka po", "Nasan na po kayo?", "Ingat po kayo lagi" and the list goes on and on. I know you guys respect each other a lot but using po when you are of the same age is overrated and it is demeaning the real purpose and essence of the word. I am not old. And I dont remember anyone messaging me with those words. I like to keep it that way, because the moment someone older than me leaves me a message with "po" or "opo" I will make sure to correct his ass. All these years I've never used those words unless I'm talking to my grandmother or someone at least 10 years older than me.
Change topic...Nursing school. So near yet so far. To be honest I dont even know if I want this. But who knows, maybe my persistence to get in the program may make me want to love it someday. All I know is that I've always wanted to pursue something..in the medical field. Maybe this is it. I hope this is it.
I'm glad that my husband got his orders finally. Next month he'll be checking in at the Naval Hospital in Balboa. We are looking for a new apartment because we are planning to get a dog. I've always wanted a dog. I miss the company of my askals back in the Philippines. My iguana doesn't really comfort me that much. For one, he is ungrateful and always seem to run away from me and always scratching my hands and whipping its tail at me.
Highschool reunion. I can already smell the people who gained too much weight in the past 10 years. I am realy hoping and praying that I'd be able to go. Lord please help me buy a plane ticket so that once again I'll be entertained by those egotistical people who still live in their own little highschool world bcause that's the only place they are able to rule.

random, scattered what??? (panu na nga ba magsulat?)

I was just thinking. How do you let go of a friend? I mean, you have a friend...sort of. And this friend of yours happened to do you wrong (of course all the doing happens in your mind so you're not sure if it's intentional) twice, maybe three times in a row. So what do you do? A normal person would likely walk away at the instance. But who is normal, anyway? What constitutes a normal person? See, I like to do things over and over again whether it burns me or not just for the hell of it. Of course I beat myself up after I get burned just to do it again. Not right now though. Because I'm not really acting my normal self. I'm burned and I am trying to heal. So. I walked away. sort of.

couldn't write a thing

i've been procrastinating. i'm running out of inspirations to write about. my civilian days are becoming more and more monotonous each day, although i try to change them from time to time. i feel like being transported back to navy life, where every day you are subjected to constant to-do-list that goes on and on, only this time i have to beat myself up to do it and there's no one behind my back aggravating me. i love the fact that i own my time. sometimes though there's so much time in my hands. but that's only because i choose not to do anything like write papers.
i have 2 papers left to write and i'm really pushing it. i can smell that piece of parchment paper now. it's been 10 years since i first entered college and when the rest of my friends finally have PhD's and MD's (Marge) and BA (geng) and all those luminous title beside their very names, I am just barely making it.
i have plans. i'm not just gonna sit here and become a bomb collecting unemployment for the rest of my life. but i'm on a break. everything happened so fast; from being an ordinary girl living in the outskirts of Manila to six mad years in the military. i didnt know how different the world is outside my comfort zone. now i'm catching up. what the hell happened to me all this time?
but i've learned a lot...slowly but surely. too bad i never came here when i was younger. but who cares? like i said, the trauma, the pain and excitement of being somewhere new is much more vivd and incomparable regardless.

love your body

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